My Marital Journey

My parents’ divorce shook me to the core. For many nights, I couldn't sleep, thinking about all the things that could go wrong because of the absence of my dad. I was nineteen. Matilda was Seventeen. Fiifi was fourteen. They were married for twenty years. 

We lived our lives between my dad and mom, always going to one of them for something. And then my dad married again. Out of bitterness, my mom warned us not to go to our dad again. We didn't listen. She beat us. She made our lives miserable all because we wanted to see our dad. My mom was a sweet mother but divorce made her bitter.

Seeing my mom walking on the dusty roads of divorce made me vow never to divorce no matter what. So when Fabian wanted to marry me, I asked him to make a promise that divorce wouldn’t be part of our language. "No matter what, we die in this union, promise me," I told him. He laughed at my little faith and wondered why I carried such fear in my heart.

Four years and two children later, Fabian died. The sickness was short and devastating. The first person who rushed to my side was my mom. While crying in her arms I said, "He promised not to leave me because I didn't want to suffer like you did but look at me now. He did the worse."

For two years I was still crying. Divorce turned my mom bitter but I never saw her crying. I was bitter and crying. Mom said, "Marriage happened differently to the two of us. I failed but you got to the end of your promise, ’till death do us part.’ You can't blame yourself. If you remain strong, love will find you again because you're still a child."

Three years after the death of my husband, Elvis came along. When I realized he was interested in me, I told him, "I have two children. Just so you know." He asked, "You have two children? Does it mean you have a husband too?" "He died," I responded.

For several seconds we sat quietly and stared into nothingness. He apologized. I said yes to his proposal. When marriage was imminent, I asked him to make me a promise; "That you won't die. That you won't divorce me. I've experienced the two. I don't want to go through the pain again."

We've done nine years already. We have two kids of our own, four in total. My mom sees me and gives me the I-told-you-so look. She didn't have a second chance in marriage but I did. It's true, marriage happened to us differently. Recently when we were talking about life—our lives and how things had turned out for me, she said, "Elvis is God's apology to you for taking Fabian away."

It sounded weird that God will apologize to his own creation but whenever I'm alone and count my blessings, I look up and say, "Dear God, apology accepted!"